On My Mom, The Sex She Had, and The Adoption She Didn’t Plan

“For my mother and women like her, now in the final chapters of their lives, people crave a narrative that forces adoption as the only possible solution.” “Overwhelmingly then, adoptive parents, like myself, decide how the mothers who birthed our children should be perceived.”

“As it is, we don’t typically take the time to consider how our random entry into privilege gives us adoptive parents power that we acquiesce to withholding from our children’s mothers. The dirty little secret is that, in reality, many women enjoy sex. Many have it outside of marriage. Many have affairs. Many drink and smoke and take drugs, lucky enough to be among those who do not develop a debilitating addiction. Many raise children while suffering economically or working to quell the effects of a mental illness. But only those who lack power face the potential for condemnation and coercion, loss and abandonment.”

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